I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize