So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
