Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My boob is missing a layer of skin
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
