Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
