If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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