Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
