smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
