You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I wear drunk well.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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