that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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