I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
They should really pass out barf bags in church
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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