So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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