My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
