I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
