just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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