my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
