Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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