Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
