The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize