i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
