You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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