I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
