my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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