Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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