Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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