Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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