There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
