dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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