haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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