he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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