can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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