I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
