I accidentally burped into my bong.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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