she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
