id be glad to
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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