Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
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...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.