i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.