she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.