he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
