apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
