we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
