I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
