I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
