I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
