Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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