super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We were destined to go to rehab together
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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