Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
