I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
