Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
