hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
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I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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