Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
