there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
