he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We just shotgunned beers for America
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
