i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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