I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I would ride that face into the sunset
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
