god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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