Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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