im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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