I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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