is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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