Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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