Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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