I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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