You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
