I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
