I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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